Lionel Messi is coming to your club

AFTER REPORTS EMERGED that Lionel Messi has told the Barcelona president that he wants to leave, speculation about where he might play next has become rampant.

Although the cost of signing an era-defining icon like him - on a free transfer, no lesss - is going to be so astronomical that only a handful of ultra rich clubs can afford him, that has not stopped people from spreading countless rumours, including some that are borderline fantasies, that connect Messi to dozens of clubs.

While there's unlikely to be any official announcement regarding Messi joining any club (or staying at Barca following a tactonic shift in the management ranks) for some time, as per our deeply embedded sources in the football world, we can confirm with absolute certainty that Messi is coming to your club.

While this decision taken by the superstar may come as a surprise to many, and cause a massive shock to your rival club, but deep down you know that Messi, being a person who deeply understands the ethics and values of the sport as well as the financial aspects of it, has made the right decision.

Think about all the things that make your club unique. Think about what your club has achieved over the years, and how passionately the fans have supported the boys as they went through good and bad times. Where else will Messi get loyalty like this? Where else can he feel this much love? Even he knowns that your club is special, and it's the perfect new home for a special player like him.

Even though your rivals may scoff at the move and suddenly decide that Messi is a pampered, overrated player who has never delivered for his national team - which is the only true evaluation of a footballer, apparently - soon their denial will pass and make way for sheer dread as they sweat profusely at the thought of playing your club next season. You know they have always been jealous of your club, but now they're going to have real a hard time hiding it.

The betting odds are crashing. Your friend who bet on the club to win the league last week will soon text you with smug emojis. The guy thinks he's the smartest person in the world for taking the bet before your club's striking prowess increased tenfolds. Soon, the pundits will appear on TV, connecting from their bedrooms via Zoom with their bad haircuts and cup of coffee by the table, and proclaim that there's no way your club wins the league by less than ten points.

The signing has caused major ripple effects in other transfer business too as many other world class players now want to join your club to play alongside Messi. They are even prepared to accept a lower wage for the privilege of wearing your club's badge. Finally, your club is getting the respect it deserves from other players. You wonder if this is going to bring back the good old days when players used to put the badge before everything else, and wore the colours with pride throughout their playing career.

It's still unclear whether you'll be able to attend the matches in the initial weeks of the season. COVID-19 related precautions are still being used. But you take comfort in the fact that every weekend you will be able to tune in on the TV and watch a GOAT in his prime make magic wearing your club's colours.

When the world opens back up, you will walk down the street wearing the new home shirt with pride. By the team the season is through, your club will be six times more popular on social media than it was last month. Merchandise sales and sponsorship deals will go through the roof as new money pours in amidst a global economic recovery.

The extra money will lead to bigger transfer budgets, which will lead to even better players, which will lead to better performance on the field, more silverware, which will in turn bring in more money, further pump the budget, bring in more world class players in every position. Next time you will win the league by 15 points.

Your club will complete a domestic triple and continental double. You will be regarded as the prohibitive favourites at the Club World Cup. You will party with your friends after every home game and when you go for away games, you will bask in the glorious stunned silence of your rivals' supporters.

Over the next 5 years, you will witness a golden era at your club that people will talk about for a century to come. And finally, without a hint of irony, you will be able to do something you have wanted to do all your life but never thought you actually would one day - hang a poster of Lionel Messi in your room, wearing the magnificent colours of your club.

You will breathe a sigh of happiness and know that despite all the struggles that 2020 sent your way, this one thing that happened during that accursed year made the world feel all right again.

Related Post